I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
