i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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