sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
