Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
