I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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