Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
