It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
