when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
