The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
