My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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