thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
