I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
