I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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