Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
honey bunches of taint.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
