I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
