After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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