If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
