haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
