dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
