He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
