why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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