He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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