he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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