Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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