I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
