I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
