OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
