i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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