her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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