I hate all girls vehemently.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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