woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
