I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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