I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize