i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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