wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
