gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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