Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he thought i was a dude.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
