so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think my moral compass just broke
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
