Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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