Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
