it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
