your thong is hanging out like whoa
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
