you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
