but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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