Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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