im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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