Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
