after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
