4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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