with your own penis?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize