I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
