my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
