Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
