so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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