So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
