Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
