What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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