I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
