dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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