that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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