clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
