okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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