just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
