she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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